#FMF Success

success

Kate posts a new word every Friday to use as the topic of a 5 minute freewrite. Set the timer and WRITE!

I have been successful my entire life in the traditional sense. I set goals and achieve them. Until I was 40 this seemed like a cut and dry process. In my mind, the traditional route of study-graduate-college-graduate-marry-job-family was made clear to me.

Success was notches on a time line.

My definition of success is different now. A successful day is time to write and connect with my writing communities. It is sharing a morning coffee ritual with my husband. It is life giving conversations in the context of my coaching work and life. It is great food and laughter. It is learning.

Lately the idea of healing has come up for me mostly through the ppportunity to be part of an Artist’s Way community. If you are unaware, The Artist’s Way is a book and program created by Julia Cameron for creative recovery. There are two main parts of this program: morning pages and the artist date. You can read more about my first 6 weeks here.The Truth About Creative RecoveryMy first 6 weeks with the Artist’s Waymedium.com

Part of the program is affirmation work. I do not like affirmations because I feel they are inauthentic. I have tried to work with them before and made a good effort but it never felt right. With an accountability group I have not allowed myself to pick and choose pieces of the weekly tasks which means some hard emotional stuff has come up for me, especially about my childhood. (The visualization of a terrible therapist asking me about how I feel about my childhood pops up often!) I do have mantras I repeat to myself however. But then something changed. I read Sam Kimberle’s post about her work with affirmations and decided to try an experiment.

This week I have been working with the affirmation, I allow myself to heal. I was reminded I used to have an intention I would write over and over. Whatever you call them, the truth was being brought to the forefront like a fire licking my brain.

The takeaway here? It came to me during this freewrite that the reason The Artist’s Way is successful for me this time is because the real recovery I needed from AW was healing. Healing from my childhood, healing from toxic relationships, healing from doubts and imposter syndrome, healing from me getting in my own way.

The bottom line is I am a paid writer. I will be a paid author once I get my books published. (REVISION OCTOBER) I share my writing and interact with readers. That is success.

I have an abundance of love in my life. That is success.

My new definition is more a content feeling and determination to grow rather than ticks on a timeline and I must say, I am a hell of a lot happier.

Sam is hosting more book clubs if you want to be part of the process.

2020 Book Club AnnouncementAn invitation to join my Book Club, starting in January 2020medium.com

Here is Sam’s post on affirmationsHow I Use AffirmationsAnd some suggestions if you would like to try, too.medium.com

You Can Read This Post and Support Me on Medium Here

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#FMF Promise

It’s time for the FMF weekly writing prompt blog link-up. Writers across the world get together, set a timer for 5 minutes and write to the prompt.

This week’s writing prompt from Kate is : PROMISE

A promise is a contract. I typically uphold promises with other people better than I do with myself. I need to exercise a bit more grace with myself I think.

Promises can be large or small.

I promise myself that I will not get defensive when someone hurts my feelings. Then I do it anyway. I need to forgive.

There is promise I see in my students. Such great potential!

Marriage is a promise of being there, of loving me when I am unlovable, of staying when it gets hard. It is the promise to take care of my needs and I will take care of yours.

Friendship is a promise too. I suppose all relationships are.

I have a promise to my children to teach them, and love them so they become members of society that have purpose and emit love and light.

I have promised myself I will write 31 stories this month as part of the storyaday.org challenge. So far, so good. It is day 17 and I am cruising along.

#FMF Practice

It’s time for the FMF weekly writing prompt blog link-up. Writers across the world get together, set a timer for 5 minutes and write to the prompt.

This week’s writing prompt from Kate is : PRACTICE

Perfect practice makes perfect. Practice just makes permanent.

This is a phrase that has been with me for years. I think it is form Madelyn Hunter who is an educational guru.

Practice is how we cultivate skill. Practice the journey that is meant to be enjoyed.

I have a writing practice.

I have a running practice.

I have a reflection practice for teaching, learning, and coaching.

But practice takes time.

I played and practiced the violin everyday from 6th grade to 12th grade, which is a lot of hours.

After so much practice, there is a wonderful moment when you breakthrough to the next level. Then you know the practice has done its job! It is an amazing feeling.

I often think of the 10,000 hour rule that is credited to Malcom Gladwell. It is that many hours to become good at something. New skills taking honing, attention, and intention.

All my children practice for their sports. Practice does not need to be boring. I usually don’t think that it is, but I know this is not always the popular opinion. Practice also doesn’t have to be drills. In fact, my youngest plays games at soccer practice but doesn’t know it helps him become a better player.

I have to remember to enjoy the practice, to enjoy the journey because sometimes practice is the next right step.

#FMF Touch

Every Friday I participate in the Five Minute Friday challenge where I write for 5 minutes using the one word prompt. You can find the linkup to other posts like this one here.

Set the timer for 5 minutes…and….GO!

There are things in this world that touch my heart and give me hope. Usually it is embedded in the words or actions of a child. There is also physical touch that I find comforting usually in the form of hugs.

I always feel better, especially when I am truly connected to someone, when they touch me. It is the casual touch as you pass each other in the kitchen or the hallway. The kisses and hugs goodbye or hello. These moments of affection matter. They keep me grounded and comforted.

Otherwise, I am not a touchy person. I do not trust too many people and find their actions suspicious if it is out of the ordinary. This goes for touches and questions!

I am more of a creature of pattern than I realize sometimes or would like to admit.

Words touch me. The phrasing of something new or words that appear before me that suddenly bring a feeling to the page touches my heart and can make me cry. So can the drive of an athlete accomplishing a goal. Watch the finish line footage of the Ironman or a marathon and you will see what I mean.

True connection and deep conversation touches me in a unique way. I try to appreciate it in the moment and also in the waves of time that comes after.

#FMF Next

I participate in Five Minute Friday. Set the timer for 5 minutes and freewrite with the word provided. Find the link up here.

Set the timer and GO!

As I read the information about the prompt this week on the site I immediately thought of my work with Emily P. Freeman’s book The Next Right Thing. If you follow my blog, you know I love this book and have been reflecting through it since the beginning of the month. Each chapter is highlight by Emily on Instagram.

The idea of #mynextrightthing has been on my mind for quite awhile. It is a decision making process that makes sense especially in the sense of overwhelm. I can figure out what to do next, even if it is little like take a shower, or make a sandwich, or breath. I have been through trauma that had me feeling like I was trying to make it through the minute, not the day. I don’t remember exactly when I found the podcast The Next Right Thing but I know that it spoke to me. Emily’s voice is amazing if you haven’t listened to her either. I am thankful Emily is in my life this way.

There are lots of circumstances in this world that do not make sense to me. I used to be able to make a decision pretty quickly. This was at a time where my perception was that “Everything was gonna work out.” I have made some decisions which led to more obstacles as time went on and now I second guess as to if I will make the wrong decision. I have people relying on me and cannot afford to make any more mistakes than I have to. I will continue to make mistakes but try to be as informed as possible!

My next right thing right now is to keep writing. I will interact with my writing people this morning and my family this afternoon. Another next thing is to be open to opportunities and appreciate the moments I am in. The amount of next right things I get to choose are not guaranteed.

If you have not read Emily’s book I urge you to get a copy. It will be given as a gift from me several times this year! You can find it here.

#FMF LACK

Every Friday I participate in the FiveOnFriday challenge. You can link here.

I set the timer for 5 minutes and write:

What do I lack? Currently, I feel I lack peace and direction, but I am working on it. I am so reflective that I always know where I am emotionally lacking I just don’t always know how to fix it so I put my head down and focus on the task or obsession that I am engaged in at the moment. Now it is writing. I want to be the best I can be. I read about it. I do it . I try to find mentors to help me IRL or in the pages of books and blogs. I have my Emily P Freeman book about decision making which is helping tremendously.

I do lack directions of what I want to do. The amount of obstacles and out of nowhere hits have been I want to be at home. I want to write all the time. I know it is not a bad thing for a writer to have a day job. I like most of the people I work with and I do like the work that is required in my actual job description. I am reframing it at the moment to get more out of it personally as well. It works for the job aspect but is more fulfilling. I am coaching myself and streamlining my processes to be more consistent and that helps everyone.

I do not lack in love. The relationship I have with my husband is awesome and as perfect as it can be. It really is fairy tale like.

The relationships I have with all my children are unique to them and I love them dearly and would do anything for any of the 4.

The friendships I have IRL and online are strong. I nurture the ones that are mutually life giving and make me happy. I am looking forward to storyaday May next month when there is group writing every day and there is daily interaction with other writers. THAT makes me giddy.

Happy Writing Everyone!

#FMF Offer

I participate in Five Minute Friday. Set the timer for 5 minutes and freewrite with the word provided. Find the link up here.

Set the timer and GO!

I offer myself to the world and subject myself to rejection or acceptance.

I offer my writing to publishers.

I offer my writing to my blog readers.

I offer my writing to other readers and critique partners.

I offer bids to people to connect with them. (If you don’t know what I am referring to here is an article)

I offer extensions of friendship.

I offer words to the world and some are rehearsed and some are not.

I offer honest feedback and advice to my friends and coworkers when they ask for it.

I have learned to protect myself as I often do not think as others do. I am “no nonsense” as a colleague put it. I would rather be respected than liked – 360 days out of the year that is.

I recognize people do things different ways and that is ok. I just don’t want them to try to impose their thinking on me if we aren’t friends or I didn’t ask. I do not ask questions I do not want the answers to.

I offer my true self to people…sometimes.

#FMF Measure

I participate in Five Minute Friday. Set the timer for 5 minutes and freewrite with the word provided. Find the link up here.

Set the timer and GO!

I am measure against other people all the time externally. This past 2 weeks I have been struggling to get anything more published. I am measured against the other submissions that are coming in. There are criteria I am up against as well I am aware of but it doesn’t always take the sting out of the rejection. Gladly, many of the letters came with a little feedback which was encouraging.

Many times in my life I have been in competition with people – sometimes only on their side. Now I mostly measure myself with my own set of agreements – not anyone else’s.

I measure what kind of writer I am by the fact that I write every day. It is not measured by how much I publish or don’t. I am in a community of writers. There are outside measures like critiques, evaluations, and feedback but I don’t always take them to heart.

I am a coach and a teacher which have its own measures and criteria by definition. I guess I measure myself by labels. There are sets of critical attributes of what I believe are the fundamentals of what each of those labels entails. There are also universal attributes for these labels as well.

How do I measure success? In the ACTION. The doing is more impressive to me than the reward or sometimes even the outcome. That is a measure from the outside and a factor I cannot often control.

“What can I control?” has become a mantra for me when in a situation with obstacles. It makes a huge difference to my mindset. I cannot control others – that I know for sure.

#FMF: Reward

Every Friday I free write for 10 minutes based on the word chosen by Kate from Five Minute Friday.

Today’s word is REWARD. Set the timer for 5 minutes and GO!

Reward is defined as a thing given for service or recognition. I am personally offended most times by rewards or prizes of any kind that are given for an expected or required effort. I am motivated intrinsically.

Are rewards equated with acceptance? Validation? For me? No. For others, I think so.

Rewards for me are the activity or the feeling of accomplishment at the end. I suppose that is a reward by my own definition but not a THING. Rewards are not the tangible material items. I don’t work for STUFF. It is just not my way.

The reward is the to do list checked off. Or the runners high at the end of a trail run.The smile or laugh when I tell a good story to a friend. The joy of the relationship I have with my husband.The fact my jeans fit better after 3 months of IF.

Every day is a reward because I was able to live it.