Trash or Save #SOL22

On (some) Tuesdays I write about education and then post to the Two Writing Teacher blog. I also comment on at least three other blog posts.

The Brown Zippered Bag

I don’t remember where the plastic leather zippered pouch came from nor do I remember when it came into my life. One day, many years ago, I started putting all my flash keys into it. Ten or more years ago, I would go to a conference and the materials would be loaded on the drive so they didn’t have to be emailed. Some large files videos, especially at Teach Like A Champion, which make them hard to send.

There are flash keys that are full of documents from grad school. There are several for big evaluations of me and programs I was involved in.

This bag of fading technology was a glimpse into a life lived by me so long ago that it feels like another lifetime. Trite but true. Luckily, this computer I have now has a port for the drives. I know as the technology gets more advanced this option will become rare so I have a window to look at these memories.

I have done a lot professionally. I am sure we all have because we are dedicated to students and education and thinking. There are grants, programs, photos from events, student evidence, presentations for school level, district level, and national venues. There is evidence of recognition with awards and articles and letters.

But as I loaded documents into my Google drive and reread these pieces of the past, I was sad. There were some documents that made me angry even.

I didn’t reflect on all the good these things had done for the school or students. I wasn’t sure why I was sad at first.

Do I miss the person I used to be? The educator all these files represent? Maybe. But I know that I am still that person. Just because I accomplished these things years ago doesn’t make any less of who I am. It is all part of the footprints I have left.

Personally, that time was not a good one for me, so that fact had an effect on my emotions. I am the type of person who cuts off emotions from things that hurt. It probably is not the best tactic but the honest one. To think about memories causes me to relive them. I feel it in my body as well as my mind and it can be overwhelming emotionally.

Since the most recent move and the huge changes to my life that have transpired over the last 7 months, I finally feel like I do not want to be somewhere other than where I actually am. I have had glimpses of this in my life, especially over the last several years but now it feels like 100% of the time.

Looking back did pull on my heart. It was a time in my life where there were people I wanted to spend time with and for various reasons could not. I was not aligned professionally with my spouse at the time which stopped most work conversations at home because they were no longer conversations. He did not understand my motivation at the time. There was an event where he was referenced as my husband which he did not take a liking to. It was one of those, “Oh! You’re Tammy’s husband!” He was used to being known “first”.

Overall, I am glad I have those documents. As I comb through all that is in that little brown pouch I will delete a lot of it. I simply don’t need them anymore. I will honor the part they played in my life and make the decision of which bucket to place them in. Trash or Save

#happyllamatuesday #happyreading #happywriting

7 thoughts on “Trash or Save #SOL22

  1. This post made me think of the word “palimpsest,” a word that has come to be my favorite lately. We are always in revision (that’s a great one for your post, too, re-seeing), but I, like you, have found myself returning to former visions of myself and feeling sometimes sheepish, sometimes shaking my head in disbelief. But, I also got to where you are,”It is all part of the footprints I have left.” And we’re both still leaving them; Forward we go! (What you say about professional development, “I am sure we all have because we are dedicated to students and education and thinking,” so resonates.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Trish I always welcome your comments and thinking! Thank you for the reminder of this word, palimpsest. I sometimes feel like I am a series of nesting dolls and the larger dolls are interchanged depending on how close to the essence of who I am is showing itself!
      Yes! WE are still making footprints forward. Thank you for that reminder as well.

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  2. Very few people are able to move on without looking back and emotions emerging. Sorting things through, choosing what to keep and what to let go, cleans not only the space but also the soul. The following sentence speaks the strongest to me from your post: “I finally feel like I do not want to be somewhere other than where I actually am.”

    Like

  3. I like Terje’s take on this. I find the image of a brown wallet full of memory drives from years of dedicated work is a fascinating image. I recently retired and cleaned out many paper files. It is an emotional and surprising task. Some people just throw it all away without looking. What do you think,of that possibility?

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  4. Just this weekend I found (re-found, technically) a similar pouch that holds my parents’ flash drives. Not sure when I’ll have the desire to open, view & delete, but I know I need to do that. Soon. Soonish…

    Liked by 1 person

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