Every week on Llama Tuesday I write a blog post and share it on the Two Writing Teachers blog. Then I comment on at least 3 other posts.
Here are the rules:
WRITE a slice of life story on your own blog.
SHARE a link to your post in the comments section.
GIVE comments to at least three other SOLSC bloggers.
There are 23 days left in 2020 which means I have 23 more writing prompts to publish. Do you have plans for the last 23 days?
How are you feeling? is a question I don’t like very much. Honestly, I am not sure I am always sure how to answer. I have learned to suppress and ignore my feelings all my life. My brain works at a high rate of speed and often I have many emotions at once and sometimes they conflict. That fact also makes it hard to answer what seems like a simple inquiry that we SHOULD know the answer to.
As I was walking this week I revisited the podcast Just the Right Book. I had to stop listening to reading podcasts because my TBR got so out of control it was overwhelming. I came upon an episode about the book Permission to Feel by a Yale professor.
Many people I have been learning from over the last year about emotions say, “Honor your feelings” “Feel them.” “All emotions are ok.”
Yes, in theory.
But tell someone you are close to you are sad and they will tell you that you shouldnt be.
Or tell someone you are upset and someone will defend the others actions to try to talk you out of it.
No wonder we don’t know how we feel.
When I was upset as a child, I was often offered ice cream. Someone’s situation was always worse so I got the feeling I didn’t have the right to feel that way. It wasn’t all the time but the stories started forming early about how to deal with emotions or rather NOT deal with them.
So as a teacher, I have to be careful to honor the feelings of my little people. They don’t have to be happy all the time – nor is that realistic. Sometimes they are angry. But I have to give space for them to be able to talk to them about it. I do breathing and sharing at the start of every class and yesterday I added the question, How are you feeling?
I am looking forward to reading more about this research and being able to react to the answers to this question in a smarter way but honoring they have feelings and giving them space to express them is a good start.
I feel like this book came to me at just the right time on my journey and I am thankful. Maybe I will learn not to detest this question after all!
How do you feel about this question? And is your usual answer, “Fine”?
Such a thoughtful post. I once had a close friend answer, “Are you sure you really want to know?”
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I often answer that way as well!
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I like this – “I have to be careful to honor the feelings of my little people.” As you show, to honor does not mean “tamp down on” or “minimize” or “make go away.” Thanks for this!
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You’re right – it’s very hard for me to accept my own feelings, too. I try to talk myself out of them a lot, or tell myself why I shouldn’t feel that way. Ruth, thereisnosuchthingasagodforsakentown.blogspot.com
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When kids learn to suppress their feelings, it can take a long time for them to unlearn that and value their feelings instead. Thanks for the book suggestion. I’ve always struggled with sharing my negative feelings, but thankfully over the last fifteen years have learned that it is crucial to good relationships.
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I think I gravitate to fine because — even when things are great — answering SUPER always feels too put on. BUT, it makes me think more about honoring my own feelings too. I guess it depends who’s doing the asking.
Llama Tuesday… that was new to me. I googled it and smiled!
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