There are a couple instances in life I feel time travel is a real concept, not just a trope in science fiction movies. Daylight savings time is one instance and the second instance is when I feel I am in a dream reminiscent of the movie Inception. I am living a dream that I control but has hazy wisps of my life. The pieces are recognizable but not quite right. It is a surreal feeling that makes me slightly uneasy.
I felt the second instance of surreal dreams last evening. My second oldest son had his awards for sports and he attends school where I used to work. My life is much different now and I do not have opportunities to interact with the people that I used to work with anymore. This idea is part of life and moving jobs and town but it used to make me uncomfortable because I am pushed back into the memory of my old life. It has been roughly four years now so last night it wasn’t uncomfortable because I am completely happy with the life I am living now. I refuse to apologize for being happy. One of the most prominent factors of my new attitude is I am not pretending to be someone I am not and love the people in my circles. I do not pretend with severe hair anymore. I look different than I used to. My hair is long and natural to the point that I got double takes for people to realize who I was. I am comfortable with this, but being in the physical environment makes me mentally tick through checklists of my old life. Partly trying to remember names that match faces I recognize.
I am in a different chapter of my life now which means I get to revisit the old chapters in situations like last night. The people from those chapters remember me from the past. They don’t have the benefit of reading that chapters inbetween then and now. Sometimes when you change lanes in life, the people around you don’t always switch lanes with you.
Last night I felt like I was participating in a waking dream but standing just on the outside looking in. I was observing a life, that chapter, that is no longer mine. It is a strange feeling. It doesn’t make me sad. It doesn’t even make me miss it. It just is.
I do know that I had a lovely conversation with a fellow runner and teacher that I was happy to see. We worked summer school together one year and we have run together. Our current training stories were briefly swapped with talks of yoga and marathons peppered in.
The largest heart warmer was I saw my son get his first letter for sports and I was extremely proud. His Dad bought him his letter jacket for his birthday and he will wear it proudly.
After reflecting on the experience and this small slice of my life, I know for sure that I love my life now and would not trade it. I know for sure that the circumstances and choices I have made no matter how big or small have led me to my current place and time. NOW is a very happy place indeed. All the memories stay with me. Hopefully, as time progresses only the happy memories will stick and the negative ones will be wisps that float and disappear like the steam of my coffee every morning. Every day is a new day and a new opportunity. The choices I make now are better ones as I learn and do better in life. We will see what happens during the next time travel moment!